- 1/4 part of me: I want to be cute and delicate and have a petite body.
- 1/4 part of me: I want to look smokin' hot and sexy in a bikini and have curves and a fuck you attitude
- 1/4 part of me: I don't even care man I can totally eat all of that cake watch me
- 1/4 part of me: I want to murder everyone and laugh as i bathe in their blood
I once had a drunk guy tell me I was too sexy to be shooting up at a party. He knocked the needle out of my hands and stepped on the pen, shattering the casing, telling me I should thank him by giving him my number and a kiss. It was my diabetes medicine.
(submitted by anonymous)
learning languages is so weird like you’re literally just learning how to make a different set of noises at people than the ones you usually make
Sometimes I remind myself that I almost skipped the party, that I almost went to a different college, that the whim of a minute could have changed everything and everyone. Our lives, so settled, so specific, are built on happenstance.
achilles is that kid who takes gym class too seriously
More like Achilles mom is the mom who takes recreational community sports too seriously.
You never get to the point where you think “I am the adult”, but you do get to the point where you think “I’ve dealt with this before.” The older you get, the higher and higher the percentage is of things you’ve already been through. Have you ever changed a tire? Had a flat tire? Someday, you might, and the next time it happens, you’ll know what to do, since you’ve already done it.
so this housewife decided to rewrite the harry potter series into christian books so that her kids wont be reading about witchcraft and i just cant eveN BREATHE BC THIS IS SO HYSTERICAL
read it here: