• 1/4 part of me: I want to be cute and delicate and have a petite body.
  • 1/4 part of me: I want to look smokin' hot and sexy in a bikini and have curves and a fuck you attitude
  • 1/4 part of me: I don't even care man I can totally eat all of that cake watch me
  • 1/4 part of me: I want to murder everyone and laugh as i bathe in their blood

i-once-had-a-guy-tell-me:

I once had a drunk guy tell me I was too sexy to be shooting up at a party. He knocked the needle out of my hands and stepped on the pen, shattering the casing, telling me I should thank him by giving him my number and a kiss. It was my diabetes medicine.

(submitted by anonymous)

(via rivera3445)

egg-rolls:

learning languages is so weird like you’re literally just learning how to make a different set of noises at people than the ones you usually make 

(via masrika)

serendipitousproportions:

punkrockpatroclus:

achilles is that kid who takes gym class too seriously

More like Achilles mom is the mom who takes recreational community sports too seriously.

(via gabookworm)

owlmylove:

therewerestarsintheireyes:

so this housewife decided to rewrite the harry potter series into christian books so that her kids wont be reading about witchcraft and i just cant eveN BREATHE BC THIS IS SO HYSTERICAL

read it here:

Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles

image

(via lezbihonest-here)